Updated: Apr 2
As I write this, it is 5am. The kookaburras and all other kinds of birds are beginning to stir. The sun is on her way. And I find myself here in my living room, salt lamps ablaze and a warm cup of Liquorice & Peppermint tea (my favourite) by my side. I have been quite deep in reflection and contemplation lately - although, what's new?! This seems to be my default mode on any given day. Always finding ways to dive deep into life or anything really. But my life has changed so dramatically in the past five months, and I've found myself rather in awe of it all. In awe of just how much things can change, in what seems like such a rapid amount of time. In awe of how sometimes turn out better than you ever could imagined.
I always dreamed of being a singer. A performer. Of taking to big stages in beautiful dresses, and dancing and singing my heart out. I've had the chance to do plenty of that already in my lifetime, which I'm so grateful for. I feel so grateful that honouring my heart is such a natural impulse for me. But what's been on my mind lately, is how wonderful life can feel and turn out to be...even when it might look very different to what you imagined it would.
I always imagined that I would be singing. That I would be writing. That I would be living a creative, heart-led life. But even our wildest dreams can limit us, if we tightly grip and grasp to them. For life is full of so many wonderful surprises. There's often an even bigger plan than the one we have for ourselves. There's always a bigger plan. Ideas and schemes that we haven't dreamed, because we don't even realise that those possibilities exist!
Sometimes things don't turn out exactly as you planned...they often turn out better. I would argue they always turn out better. Because to me, better is living a life true to your soul. Living in alignment. What's truly in alignment for us, may not align with what our egos have conjured up for us. It may not align with our preferences. We don't always have the capacity to see what alignment could be for us. Just how different and wonderful it all could be.
I had an odd 5 years or so where I felt like I was struggling with my life purpose. I always felt confused. Always felt lost. Always felt off track. But I can see now that I was never truly lost. Or alone. The confusion came from wanting to feel in control. Wanting to have all the answers that I could never actually have because it wasn't my job to have all of the answers. It was only when I began to surrender and trust in the beautiful unfolding of life, that I began to feel a greater sense of peace and ease. And of course, I finally got out of my own way and allowed the magic to flow through me again.
I had an image in my head of the person I thought I should be. But there was a greater plan for me, involving possibilities I never knew to be possible.
I simply began to follow the curiosities. To trust more in life. Unclench my tight fists of gripping and grasping, in favour of a more open and surrendered life. And unexpected, wonderful new possibilities began to unfold.
Things feel better that way. And because it all feels better, it starts looking better too!
Does life look like the way I thought it would when I was 5 years old? Not exactly. I'm not currently selling out stadium shows with a $22 million annual pay check. I adore that I have always been a big dreamer. Life may not currently look the way that 5 year old dreamed it would...but 5 year old Jess didn't realise that the life I had now was a possibility! My life feels like a giant, colourful playground full of so much creative variety. Which really was the very essence of those original dreams anyway.
I am currently not just a singer / performer. I'm not as two-dimensional as I dreamed I'd be. I am the whole rainbow!
I am currently a singer, performer, songwriter, guitarist, musician, voice over artist, music teacher, writer, blogger...and that's just what I'd consider my career to be right now! We are so much more than just our careers and what we do for work! We are so much more than what we do. Full stop.
Life is more colourful than I ever could have imagined it would be, because of all these wild and wonderful things that fill my weeks, but also because I am living it. Because I get to experience the full spectrum of colours and emotions that comes with living a wonderful, wild human life. Everyday I get to colour and create and play in the ways I dreamed, and in ways beyond what I ever thought possible.
That being said; if you told me a year ago that a year later I would be where I am today, I probably wouldn't have believed you. But sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you expected it to. Sometimes life turns out more colourful and magical than you ever could have imagined it would.