Updated: Apr 1, 2021
I know that we haven't always had the greatest of friendships. Well, that's being unfair to you really. You have always been so generous to me - offering stunning sunrises and sunsets, crisp mornings, an opportunity to slow down and savour the world around me...to name just a few of your offerings. But you were never Summer or Spring, and I suppose that's why I was so dismissive of you. I saw you as the one robbing me of barmy days at the beach, peachy tanned skin, optimal temperatures for acai bowls, and oh how the list goes on. I was so focused on lack. On what I believed you were taking away from me. So with your arrival each year, I became resentful. Disappointed. Resistant. Truthfully, I detested you Autumn. And for that, I am so sorry. I can see now that you have always offered so many golden gifts to me and my fellow beings.
Maybe it's an age thing. Maybe it's the month I spent buried in Eckhart Tolle books last year - granting me a deeper appreciation for the present and the magic right before my very eyes in any given moment. Maybe it's the beautiful humans I have connected with over the last year expanding me to seek more joy, fun and play together (and in solitude too) - no matter the season. Whatever it is that flipped the switch in me...my dear Autumn; the days of resenting you are long gone. I am proud to announce that after years of mental letters of complaint and grievance to you, this is the first of many love letters to you.
I love you, Autumn.
I love how you make the Sun hang a little lower in the sky, turning the skies into a deeper shade of baby blue and making everything look that little bit more fresh and golden. As if you applied a dreamy Instagram filter to the scenery I see before me. And because the Sun hangs a little lower, it is not as quick to rise in the morning. You remind me to take my time. To slow down. To savour. To appreciate. To appreciate little things like the moment when I first stir from my slumber in the morning. It's the perfect scene. Like something out of a simple, beautiful dream. There's a cool, calm breeze drifting through my window and I could swear that my pillow feels 48% snugglier than it has in any other season. My whole body is an ode of gratitude to you. The birds are singing sweetly. And the Sun is rising to greet me. The space in my heart that was once riddled with resentment and resistance is now glowing with gratitude.
I am solar-powered, so I always love the Sun...but I gravitate to it that much more when you are here, now that it provides me with so much warmth on those cooler days. Like a lizard, I can bask in the Sun and be fuelled and healed by its golden rays. Without feeling like I'm on fire and acquiring third-degree burns. It's funny, and maybe a little sad; but I think the prospect of being more tanned blinded me to the fact that the Summer sun isn't perhaps as pleasant as I once made it out to be. Sun burn isn't pleasant either, and I just happened to get burnt for the first time ever this Summer just gone. Badly too. Eep. Another point for Autumn!
Dear Autumn; because you make the Sun set a little earlier in the day, you remind me to pace myself a little more. Just a couple of months ago I wasn't wrapping up my work for the day until nearly 7pm to head out for a walk! Which meant later dinner and bed times too. But dear Autumn; you make it so much easier for me to to switch off and wind down earlier. I head out for a sunset walk at 5pm now. I'm eating dinner sooner after, and I'm nestled into bed with a book by 8.30pm. I'm really making myself out to be such a Grandma here. But I know that when I wind down earlier, I eat earlier. Therefore, I digest my food better. I then sleep better...and wake up feeling amazing. As a result, I am a kinder, more patient human; I have more energy to live out my purpose and potential; and I am just generally more present and conscious.
I unexpectedly feel so much more creative now that you're here. In being giving the a-okay to slow down my pace, it feels so natural to retreat to my creativity cave. To write and sing and dream. It feels like a delightful choice, not an arduous chore. Again, you remind me that there is no rush. Everything in divine timing. There is a divine time and place for it all. All in divine time. All in divine seasons. I am overwhelmed with joy at the thought of blogging, recording my songs, writing meditations, making beautiful music videos, and creating all other kinds of magic too. The inspiration tank seems to be so naturally filling itself up too - with the prospect of more time spent outside in nature...doing things like hiking, going on picnics, taking road trips, camping, and so much more. It's this self-perpetuating cycle. Inspiration in, creativity out.
As you roll out the welcome mat for Winter, you send me waves of inspiration and ideas for how I can have fun with family and friends during the cooler months. My mind starts to dance with visions of camping trips spent sitting around bonfires and singing songs, eating Laksa whilst being wrapped up in cosy clothes, a Full Moon circle gathering complete with meditation, journalling and warm cups of cacao or chai (or both).
As you turn down the temperature on the atmospheric air-conditioner, you remind me that I finally get to whip out those incredible Seed high-waisted jeans! Now that is indeed a VERY exciting thought. I utilised those jeans well in Barwon Heads during the Summer time, but once I arrived back in QLD, there was never a hope for jeans in January. But with every degree that drops, the prospect of tucking a top into high-waisted jeans and throwing on a cardigan (maybe some boots for good measure) seems way more likely.
So maybe it is the high-waisted Seed jeans, the beautiful new friends who have shown me the delight of dinner parties and the thrill of seeking new adventure, the call to create and share, the greater awareness and appreciation for the present moment...that has me ditching the resentment for gratitude. Whatever the trigger, I just know that I am so grateful for you, Autumn.
In fact, not to take away from your brilliance and all of the credit you deserve...I truly do have the greatest newfound sense of appreciation and adoration for you. But beyond that, I just feel so grateful to be alive. To bear witness to the beauty everywhere. No matter the season. The changing of the seasons reminds me that there is beauty in every shape and form. Whether that be in nature or in beings. I used to pick favourites with seasons and discredit the others. Only enjoying the times of year that met my preferences and expectations. Honestly, I used to have the same attitude towards things like my work, my body and other people too. Only feeling love for these things when preferences were met. I believe the term for this is 'conditional love'. But to conditionally love, is to conditionally live. And to conditionally live is to choose to only be happy when your preferences are delivered and expectations are met. Just like I spent many cooler seasons unconsciously choosing to be unhappy, I have spent many moments of my working life...relationships...life in general when in relation to things like my body and appearance...effectively (but not consciously) choosing to be unhappy.
Thank you Autumn. Thank you for all of the gold that you hold, and beyond that, for being a symbol for my change in awareness and attitude. Truthfully, it's not that my preferences have changed. I haven't gone from being a Summer gal to an Autumn fiend. A warm weather lover to a cool weather fan. I have chosen to embrace it all. To appreciate aspects of every season. Whether that be seasons of weather, life, work, my body or relationships. To not allow a perception of lack or an unmet expectation or preference, make me miss out on any given moment. I have chosen to open my heart and embrace the beauty and wonder of life in all aspects. To unconditionally love - everything from seasons to self.
I unconditionally love you Autumn. There will be mornings when your cool breeze may be a little too cool for my body; but beneath any careless reaction of resentment or air of annoyance; I assure you, there is only love.
The same goes for work, loved ones, my body, life. Whatever the subject - there is only love.
I unconditionally love. I unconditionally live.
Thank you for all of the magic, Autumn. For your golden, glittery beauty and delightful surprises and fun. But most of all, thank you for reminding me that there is only love. You are so much more than just a season, you are a symbol of my journey from conditional love and living; to unconditional love and living.
With all my love - always and unconditionally,